Nat Necessary

I love beer. As a devoted partier, happy hourer, and tailgater, beer and I have a wonderful relationship. I buy it, consume it, and it makes me drunk. It only makes me want to vomit when I shotgun. I tend to go for the darker variety, but I have nothing against the lighter sort. Excepting Bud Light Lime I haven’t had an objection to anything beer in a very long time. Until now.

Exsqueeze me. A baking powder?

I cannot actually be seeing this.

Okay that’s it. This is fucking ridiculous.

Look, Nasty Light, you haven’t mattered since… I dunno, high school? And now you’re trying to make yourself relevant by inserting yourself against our will into our daily vocabulary by Natting up everyday words. You know what I call that?

Vocabularape.

See? I can do it too.

Let’s get a few things straight. First of all, if I showed up to someone’s party with a few cases of Natural Light (commercial 2), the party wouldn’t stop when I knocked over a beer; it would stop when people saw what I was carrying. Second of all, if a hot chick with a pizza showed up at my place and all I had was a refrigerator full of Natural Light (commercial 1), that hot chick would leave and take the pizza with her. Third of all, the only reason I’d sit on a cooler full of Natural Light (commercial 3) is so I wouldn’t have to get up because I could tell everyone who wanted to get in there that “it’s just Natty Light” and they’d say “oh, fuck, then where’s the good beer?” And am I the only one who noticed that, while all the other Nattyisms are correctly broken down by syllable, Natural Light dropped the ball on “nat-io fur-ni-ture,” which should’ve been “nat-i-o fur-ni-ture” since natio is 3 syllables?

Natural Light, attempting to climb the beer ladder to the middle of the pecking order is an exercise in futility. You should be embracing your place in line, as the beer that 16 year olds drink because the guy at the 7-11 at 11:50pm doesn’t give a shit if they buy it with their obviously fake IDs as long as they stay away from the good stuff. It’s what you’re good at.

Nat Necessary

12 Responses

  1. Natty Light was there for me during college and I will never leave it’s side.

    And by never leave it’s side I mean when I’m completely broke I will continue to buy it.

  2. God, the Nasty. I haven’t had that in years. I hope to never see it again.

  3. I object. I strenuously object.

    Seriously – Worst. Ad. Campaign. EVER.

  4. Natty Light is the first thing I ever got drunk off of. That is NOT a memory I care to relive. Boo Natty Light.

  5. We drank Nasty Natty ALLLLL through high school.

    I’ve since upgraded to PBR. Cause I’m klassy like that.

  6. Say what you will about Natty, and its other canned abominations. I’m an Icehouse man.

  7. I had to drink cases of Natty Light for weeks after roommates and I held a Beer Olympics and had leftover beer, because you don’t throw anything away; not even if it’s already trash to begin with.

  8. Ugh. I got a campus job so I could upgrade to Busch or Miller Light. Best decision ever

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