Deliver me from this delivery

Something terrible has slowly begun taking over food delivery at my building. Lately pizza and chinese food delivery people have arrived at the building, stood on the outside or in the lobby, and called me to ask me to come down to the lobby to meet them.

Excuse me?

I order delivery so I don’t have to leave my home. I order delivery so I don’t have to put anything on my feet to get my food. I order delivery so I don’t have to worry about seeing the hot chick two floors up on the elevator when I’m wearing mesh shorts, a t-shirt that says “Hug it out” (what, it came with the DVD), and fleece-lined slippers. What you’re doing is not delivery. What you’re doing is more like a cross between delivery and carryout. Carrery? Deliverout? Whatever it’s called, it sucks. If you delivery places are going to charge a delivery fee, I expect you to cut that in half if your guy doesn’t come to my door, because he’s certainly not doing the whole job.

So what does one do to counteract this? Put on a show.

The last Papa John’s guy that delivered tried to pull the “come to the lobby” bullshit. “Can you come up? I hurt my ankle and I shouldn’t be walking on it” I asked. He agreed. When he knocked at the door, I shouted “hold on a second!” and waited a few extra moments to get up and go to the door, as if I was moving slowly. When I got there, I stood with one un-shoed foot off the ground as I accepted the food and paid him. He left. And you know what? I don’t feel the slightest bit bad about it.

Deliver me from this delivery

6 Responses

  1. this is hilarious. I didn’t even think to do this when we were lamenting this. brilliant

    Don’t think I won’t do it again either. I mean, eventually they’re gonna be like “man, this guy gets hurt all the time” but whatever. The ends justify the means.

  2. That is very strange.

    Our delivery people have had a weird thing recently with packages. They’ve been leaving them at the end of the driveway instead of on the porch.

    …scared of the stairs?

    I don’t get it. Delivery is to the door.

  3. Haha this cracked me up. That’s obnoxious. Is there a reason they can’t get in (i.e. someone stopping them) or are they just being lazy? You’re totally right. That’s totally the magic… the allure of delivery. Make me come down? Humph. I’d say pass to that!

    They can dial the front desk from outside, and the front desk lets them in. It should be simple, actually.

  4. You’re talking to the girl who faked a pregnancy so a cabbie wouldn’t throw her out.

    Do what you gotta do.

  5. I wonder if anyone would ever refuse to deliver the food because you wouldn’t meet them down there… probably not.

  6. They started this in my building, til I figured out a way to conquer the problem… The Chinese delivery guy is now very happy to deliver to me, since I now answer the door in a tank top, sans bra.

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