The Drunk People Exhibit

I recently took my younger sister on her first DC bar-hopping journey. Since she turned 21 she’s spent most of her time away from here so she never really got the chance to experience the well-known DC watering holes, so she turned to me. It was a pretty standard evening that ended with empanadas and a taxi ride. I spent a lot of the night people-watching and explaining various bar behaviors to my sister, because I find the humanus wastedus to be fascinating when in it’s natural environment. At our second stop of the night things were the most fascinating. We were standing on the bar side of a half-wall that only came up to about waist level. On the other side there were people dancing, a number of dudes in Santa hats (all too overdone as a gimmick), and closest to us was a group of three girls. A (presumably drunk) guy in a Santa hat and with a scarf draped around his neck awkwardly danced up to them.

Guy: “Merry X-mas ladies!” (no joke, he actually said “X-mas”)

Girl 1 turns to the side and covers her mouth to shield her laughter. Guy drapes his scarf around the waist of Girl 2 before quickly pulling it around her with his right hand. Girl 2 just stands there looking at him.

Guy: “No, you’re supposed to spin when I do that!”

Girl 1 now turns 180 degrees with her back to the situation, laughing with her mouth covered. She looks at me.

I-66: “It’s okay to laugh out loud. You don’t have to fight it.”

Girl 1: “You don’t seem like the kind of person that would, but for the sake of all of us, don’t ever, ever do something like that.”

She’s right, I wouldn’t. But I’m glad there are people that do, because we all need something to laugh at sometimes. The comedic value of that moment beat out the “I’ll stand out and girls will talk to me if I wear this bright red sparkly turtleneck and these purple pajama pants” guy, and the girl who was only putting up with this guy because her friend appeared to like his friend. Of course the guy she was putting up with appeared 1) not to see the signs that she wasn’t into him, and 2) not to have the stones to go in for a kiss, going in sort of close and seemingly hoping she’d go the rest of the way. His first clue in to #1 should’ve been her turning around to talk to us when he had her cornered up against the half-wall while her friend and his friend had disappeared for awhile. I suppose if he’d rectified #2, he would’ve figured out #1. I guess it could’ve been worse. He could’ve been wearing a Santa hat and a scarf.

The Drunk People Exhibit

3 Responses

  1. Sad thing is that the drunken scarf guy probably thought that was a brilliant move.

    Only reason it didn’t work is probably that she was a lesbian. Now its off to go to tell all his buddies about the total killer sweet A-Game maneuver he just pulled off. Oops, gonna be sick.

    Ahhh, DC at the holidays . . .

    Yeah, I’d wager the idea was conceived before he left the house. “Now what would this scarf be good for… I’ve got it!”

  2. I am with Matt–this guy thought he was one smooth operator.

    At least you had something to point and laugh at.

    Indeed, I was thankful. And I didn’t even need to expound upon the situation. It spoke for itself.

  3. Drunk people-watching is the BEST people-watching.

    You mean watching drunk people, or being drunk while watching people?

    Eh, I think they both have their advantages.

Leave a Reply