Face Down

I tend to believe that the fact that this is even a question is another example of the downslide of humanity, but I don’t really care because it’s fun to wonder. Something I always wondered, but never had occasion to find out until this summer, was whether someone could see on Facebook when you defriended them. Or unfriended. Or whatever the word is. The answer: No. Now, with that in mind, I wonder something of the rest of you…

Say something happens between you and someone with whom you happen to be friends on Facebook. You and a friend have a permanent falling out. You break up with your significant other. You call off a fling. The other person is the significant other of a friend of yours, and they break up. What do you, bloglings and readers, do with that Facebook friend? Do you leave them there or delete them?

I figure it’s a matter of the extent of the relationship between the two of you, not in a romantic sense but in a person-to-person sense, and the manner in which the relationship ceased to… relate. If you were friends of a friend, you probably don’t care enough to delete them. If they did something terrible to you, you probably unfriend since every update that says “So-and-so has uploaded 205312 pictures to X album” will piss you off, or just subtly annoy you. If they broke up with you, you probably kill it since you don’t want to see when “So-and-so is now in a relationship”, but if you broke up with them, especially if it was for something unforgivable, you probably leave them so you can chuckle to yourself when they change their status to single and the little broken heart appears. Um… not that I’d ever consider doing that. There really is a multitude of possibilities.

So tell me… what do you do when someone with whom you’re friends on Facebook is no longer your friend?

(Editor’s note: This blog post blithely ignores the fact that you can actually go into preferences and tell Facebook to give you less updates on certain people and more about others. For the record, it would be fucking awesome to be able to do that in real life. You know, add someone to a list so you see and hear about them less, and add other people that you want to see and hear about more. I’d give more money than I have for that ability.)

Face Down

9 Responses

  1. Yeah, I dated a guy for about 5 months last year and all his friends friended me. At the time, I wanted to ignore the requests because I knew it would not last, but I accepted them as it seemed rude to ignore. Now I get all their updates.

    I actually did like those folks. Too bad we cannot see each other from time to time on more than just facebook.

    People you break up with? GONE.

    That touches on another end-of-relationship issue: The separation of friends, and rules thereof. You seem to have properly observed the rules, but there probably is a post in order…

  2. i delete them – do it on facebook and myspace – I have no problem doing it

    I thought it would seem passive aggressive, but even if it is it can feel really good.

  3. I agree, friends of friends are harmless, but break ups? You don’t need that headache/torture.

    In college, I was more than happy to add everyone I’d ever met. Now, I’ve actually taken to deleting people I don’t care about and don’t think will notice. That kid from my Child Psychology class does not need to know where I’m going for happy hour tonight, just like I don’t need to know he’s engaged to Kelly Sue Morris or whatever.

    You’re right. I just added a couple of names to my list of people to see less of. It’s just a pit stop on the way to Deletion City.

  4. Reason 5,235 not to have Facebook/MySpace.

    Sadly that reason is only halfway down the list.

  5. I have to say, your Editor’s Note is genius! I’d kill to be able to put people on a real-life “see fewer updates” list.

    There aren’t a lot of Facebook qualities that I’d like to see transferred to real life (let’s be honest, I’d be really irritated if people kept actually poking me), but this is definitely one of them.

    Oh but the poking leads to fun double entrendres. Who doesn’t love those?

  6. You’re supposed to delete people when you break up with them? As a good chunk of my Facebook friends list are old boyfriends, I’d be buying a one-way ticket to Nerdtown.

    It’s different if you’re still friends with them, I guess. I tend not to have that happen until years down the road.

  7. i completely axed someone from Facebook that backstabbed me in numerous ways and never thought i’d find out, and I WISH she was aware when I did it by an email saying: “moosie deleted your sorry ass from her friend list”.

    Not that I’m bitter or anything.

    You could always employ a third party for that sort of thing ;)

  8. Spot on Phil. Much like tattoo’s, I continue to happily go through life without Facebook.

  9. I have done a mix of both with ex’s and ex’s friends. The ones where the breakup went poorly or we dated for a considerable amount of time, I have de-friended. Those who I stayed friends with after the breakup still remain in my friends list.

    I’ve been put in the akward situation of being contacted by friends ex-girlfriends to find out information on them. GIRLS, DON’T DO IT. Whereas I may have liked you previously, now I think you’re crazy too and he had a legit reason for breaking up with you.

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