A Rush of Pain to My Head

As you may already be aware, I am a proponent of satellite radio. Not having commercials on many music channels allows for hearing actual songs while in transit, and not having to change the channel in search of actual music. Periodically XM Radio throws out a special station devoted to a certain artist, and usually it runs for a month. Earlier this year we had the Michael Jackson channel which resulted in car dancing of an amount that even I consider to be embarassing (what can I say? Torture and State of Shock make me move). Currently we have “30 Days of Coldplay” from July 15 to August 15, which, in an XM to I-66 translator, means “30 Days of Zzzzzz.”

First of all, would someone please explain to me what Coldplay has done to merit a radio station devoted to them for a whole month? (I-66 note: at the very moment that I finished writing that question, Coldplay’s Clocks came on the station that I had on. Fuck you, Coldplay. Touche’, XM.) I’m not even questioning Coldplay’s merits in this specifically, so much as I am the general idea that any band who has been in the conscience of the music world for less than a decade deserves their own channel for 30 days. I don’t care if they’ve won Grammy awards, they don’t even have the portfolio to play more than a few hours of music without repeating a song (I-66 note: at the very moment that I finished writing that sentence, Handlebars by Flobots ended on a different channel than I was listening to before, and a 15 second promo for the 30 Days of Coldplay channel came on. I wish I was kidding). The Stones have their own channel on Sirius. Led Zepplin have one on XM. These are fine. Coldplay? Even for a month? No.

Second of all, it’s Coldplay. If I wanted something to fall asleep to, I’d buy an album of ambient sounds like waves crashing on a beach, the trickle of a creek through the woods, or your mother moaning. I’m not saying I think Coldplay sucks, but I heard Hoover is negotiating a deal to market a special Coldplay edition of their Windtunnel Bagless Upright.

Anyway, now the folks at XM have taken pity on me by following that Coldplay channel promo with The Offspring, Foo Fighters, Smashing Pumpkins and 311. And now that the musical world has been at least partially righted, combined with the fact that it’s Friday, even Coldplay can’t spoil my mood.

A Rush of Pain to My Head,

8 Responses

  1. Who is Coldplay?

    Ok, okayokay…I’m joking. In answer to your question, you’ve got me. Sensitive, angst riddled, married to pancake breast celebrity? I dunno.

    Kuddos on “your mother moaning.”

    30 Days of anyone would be zzzzz for me.

    If you actually legitimately asked “who is Coldplay?” I would’ve actually smiled that time.

  2. Number of albums released by Coldplay: 4

    Number of albums released by DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince: 5

    The plaintiff rests, your honor.

    On a related note, Amazon offers a cd of lullaby renditions of Coldplay, which I would argue is redundant at best.

    What we don’t know is whether they actually produced lullaby renditions of Coldplay or they just put the unedited recordings on there. What’s amazing is that there are lullaby renditions of The Beatles, The Cure, Led Zepplin… and Bob Marley (?), Metallica (?!?), Nine Inch Nails (?!?!?), and, for good measure, AC/DC, so your kid can fall asleep to a lullaby rendition of Hells Bells.

  3. Agreed Highway!

    That channel should be 30 days of Metallica, Motley Crue, Aerosmith or something more fruitful – Coldplay – sigh

    Oooh, 30 Days of Metallica, inadvertently leading to 30 Days of Road Rage for any listeners. I like it!

  4. I can’t remember what it was, but Chris Martin said something pretty stupid once, something about big record labels and blah blah that was in direct conflict with how he made his money, and then I chalked him up to another do-nothing / complain-a lot jackass who doesn’t deserve the bits of fame he has. He’ll always be Mr. Gwyneth to me.

    Did someone say The Offspring channel???

    Oh man… if The Offspring had a channel, I wouldn’t get anything done all day. I’d sing along to pretty much every song (even some of the ones on Ignition), and probably give myself a headache from rocking out too hard.

  5. HAHAHAHA oh I can’t stand Coldplay!!! If they and DMB would just disappear, the world would be such a better place…

    You know, I came very close to making a DMB comparison in there. I probably should’ve just gone with it.

  6. I remember that quote, Velvet, and others where he takes the stance of tender suffering artiste…with a capital A capital E. I never could stand him or the suffering B-movie wife.

  7. if i had XM or Sirius, maybe I could complain about mediocre bands playing for 30 days straight. Instead, i have mediocre bands playing every ten minutes, with commercials in it, to boot.

    i need to get one of these satellite radios.

  8. Now how in the hell does The Offspring deserve a whole month????

    + I would totally listen to DJ Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince’s “He’s the DJ, I’m the Rapper” on a loop for an entire month.

Leave a Reply