Build a better alarm clock

It’s a wonder the snooze button even works on my alarm clock. I’m one of those people that sets the alarm 15 or 20 minutes earlier than he needs to get up so he can get the psychological benefit that comes with hitting the snooze button to get those “few extra minutes” of sleep. Of course, that completely ignores the fact that it’s probably better to just get those 15 or 20 minutes of sleep uninterrupted, but again, it’s merely psychological.

Lately, though, I haven’t been hitting the snooze button that much. You see, the puppy is on my schedule now. When I’m up, he’s up, and his little puppy bladder is ready to release. It’s been helping me keep away from the snooze, because if I hit it once it’s only a few moments before I hear a more alarming (ha!) sound:

The Puppy Pee Whine.

“Dude, I have like 6 hours of pee in me, and if you don’t take me out now I’m going to go right here.”

So much for those “few extra minutes.”

All this has meant that now I’m ready with more than a few minutes to spare before having to head out the door. Now I can actually make a legitimate breakfast if I want. Truth be told, this has been a blessing in disguise… when it’s a work day. You see, dogs don’t have a concept of what day of the week it is. So come Saturday and Sunday, the dog is up at 6:30 and ready to go.

“Dude, I know you came home at 3 in the morning, but there are things more important than your sleep right now, unless you want to break out the paper towels, the Woolite, and the carpet brush.”

Yeah, not as cool on the weekends, but still better than cleaning up pee. (Goose and The Law, this is your future)

And to prove that this blog hasn’t gone to the dog(s) of late, it seems someone signing in our guest book has a sense of humor…

Build a better alarm clock
(okay, so I don’t want the hits that would be generated by searches for this combo of words, so let’s just say it rhymes with “smellybutt spritzer” and “spraypower”)

Build a better alarm clock

5 Responses

  1. Why wouldn’t you want the hits coming from searches for him? Might sex things up! Sex is good, baby.

    Speaking of sex, I just got a spam email telling me to “Get ready for sex in 15 min.” I didn’t know whether it meant I had 15 minutes to get ready for sex, or if I had to get ready for 15 minutes of sex. I was confused, so I deleted it.

  2. I don’t get the guest book, huh?

    Have you thought of (mean mommy-Velvet) taking the water bowl up about 2 hours before his last walk at night, walking him, going to bed, and then you wouldn’t have to rush out of bed b/c technically he should not have any pee in him? Or is that too mean?

    The guest book is at the concierge desk. Someone signed in as the actual name that rhymes with Smellybutt Spritzer (presumably without his diamond-rated whores).

    I do take the bowl up. I even close the door to the bathroom so he can’t get in there and drink from the toilet, and still he’s haulin’ it to the door from the elevator in the morning. I don’t know where it’s coming from.

  3. Maybe he’s like an El Camino and he has two gas tanks, err. bladders.

    I haven’t ruled anything out yet really, including but not limited to that he’s the spawn of Satan.

  4. I can’t read the guestbook–this blog discriminates against people with tiny laptops and poor vision.

    You can maybe make a case for the poor vision, but paraphrasing Smokey from Friday, “I didn’t put that tiny laptop in your hands and make you buy it!”

  5. So…if I type in EIIiot Spitzer right now, would I be banned? WAIT! You can type “diamond-rated whore” but not the name of New York’s former governor-cum (ha!)-Client 9???


    Thin ice, Goose. Thin ice.

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