Me and you, your momma and your cousin too…

I could talk about the puzzling end to my Friday night, which included all kinds of beer at The Big Hunt and Lucky Bar. I could talk about how happy I was to be soaked in beer at the DC United match on Saturday night. I could also talk about how Striker chewed threw his leash on Sunday night, and how now it looks ridiculous tied together. No, instead I’m going to talk about elevator ettiquette. Even those of us who hate Metro know that when the doors open the people waiting to get on make way for the people getting off, and only then can they board the train. It is a simple rule. People getting off first, people getting on second. So why the hell does that rule seem not to apply to the elevator?

I mean, it should apply, but for some reason it doesn’t, especally not in my building. All over the place when my elevator arrives at the ground level and I want to step off, I have someone right in front of me trying to step on, and then they’re surprised that I’m there. I’ve contemplated just running over a motherfucker, but that probably wouldn’t be the most friendly gesture, so an alternative has come to light. The puppy has a little habit of bursting out the doors as they open, because he normally has to pee and he knows he’d better hustle out of the building. So when John or Jane B. Douchebag is reading something, or talking on the phone, or just plain not thinking and tries to step onto the elevator as I’m trying to get off, Striker will do what he did a few nights ago:

Scene: Ground level. I-66 and dog are on the elevator waiting to get off. Random girl is talking on her phone and standing in front of the doors to get on. The doors open.

Girl: “Blah, blah, blah” [steps onto elevator directly in front of I-66]
Striker: [jumps up and puts both paws on Girl's left thigh]
Girl: [yelps and looks down]
I-66: “Striker off!” [pulls the dog away and tries to walk to his right around the girl to leave the elevator]
Striker: [jumps up again but I-66 catches the leash so he can't reach]
Girl: [yelps again]
I-66: [pulls the dog away again and exits] “Sorry!”
[doors close]
I-66: “Good dog…”

Me and you, your momma and your cousin too

3 Responses

  1. People and elevators is a combination of idiotia supreme that I don’t understand.

    Take for instance, when you get into an elevator at 1 with several people and all the floors are hit, let’s say 2-10 are all illuminated, indicating there is at least one person in the elevator who needs to get off at each floor. Okay?

    So the ellie opens at 2, and that person gets off. And what does the moron standing nearest the key pad do when they want to make the doors close faster? They hit their own floor, maybe 8 or 9, instead of just hitting any floor, or the next floor, or the DOOR CLOSE button. See, people. The ellie goes in order. So even if there is some random act of random, the ellie will NOT skip floors 2 through 7 to get you to your floor first.

    Oh yes. I didn’t even get started on the button pressers. The most egregious of those are the ones that, while waiting for the elevator, will press an up/down button that’s already lit as if that’s somehow going to affect the travel of the elevator and get it there faster.

  2. Loving that Striker dog. He knows the rules.

  3. Freaking elevator people, I swear – between them and the escaltor people. When I run for Senate, I will enact a law where you can start ticketing people for these injustices.

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