A Black Lab Christmas

When TSD departed for Pennsylvania, there was suggestion that he might come back to visit for the holidays. As said holidays are approaching, nothing has been mentioned about his return. I figured it would be prudent to pick up the phone and call him and see how he’s doing. The last time we had a sit down, it came to light that he felt he was the subject of breedal profiling, so there’s no telling what would happen next…

I-66: TSD?
TSD: I-66!
I-66: How’s your new home?
TSD: Not bad. I hadn’t been back since I was shot at and nothing’s really happened since. I’ve been through a lot, yanno. Running from bullets, having my tail broken twice, moving all over the place, whipping that bulldog’s ass… How’s Chick Magnet? Still peeing on herself?
I-66: No, she’s kicked the excitable urination, but I always worry when she comes and plops down at my feet and rolls over on her back that she’s going to pee.
TSD: That bitch. I alw –
I-66 [interrupting]: Did you just call her a… Oh.
TSD: I always worried that her pee was going to get blamed on me. Especially when I didn’t see it and walked through it. My paw tracks walking away from the crime scene… on CSI they’d have me arrested.
I-66: I don’t think anyone’s going to arrest you for peeing on the floor.
TSD: Suspicion of peeing on the floor. I don’t do that.
I-66: Anymore.
TSD: Whatever. So how’s the family? Do they miss me?
I-66: Of course. Chick Magnet’s not much of a guard dog, you know. She’d just as soon lick and play with a burglar than bark at and attack.
TSD: You think I’d attack someone?
I-66: TSD. The bulldog.
TSD: Whatever, he started it. He called my mother a bitch!
I-66: Well she is…
TSD: Oh. Yeah.
I-66: Anyway, I’m calling to wish you a Merry Christmas and all. I hope you get some rawhide in your stocking.
TSD: Better than a thermometer in my ass. Did you know that’s how they take my temperature at the vet?!
I-66: Uhhh… What does that have to do with…
TSD [interrupting]: I gotta go. Human’s home. I’m gonna take him for a walk.
I-66: You mean he’s gonna take you for… Ahh, forget it.
TSD: Later, I-66. Merry Christmas.
I-66: Merry Christmas.

Leave a Reply