Wedding Crashers

digital camera pictures to be added once I retrieve my camera from Deep Cover’s car

I left home at 11:00 on Friday morning. House and Deep Cover had left earlier on to play golf before the rehearsal. I got into town at about 1:45 and called Deep Cover and asked whether they were still on the course. He told me that they weren’t actually playing golf because…

…the bride-to-be crashed her car. She wasn’t hurt, but the car quite obviously was. In short, the car ended up in a ditch and hit a tree less than a mile from departure.

I checked in early and got myself situated in my room. I hooked up to the free internet and wasted time on there looking up places to go in the city. The other boys tried to get 9 holes of 3 par golf in which was a decision that ended up in all of us being late for the rehearsal with them getting to the hotel with little time to spare. We dashed off to the church for the rehearsal which went fairly smoothly and then went to dinner. After that it was back to the hotel to change and then off into the city (The Fan). I was in bed at around 3.


Cars in the groom/bride family before Friday: 2
Cars in the family now: 1
Traffic backups experienced on the ride down: 3
…caused by anything of substance: 0
Holes of golf attempted: 9
Holes actually played: 7
Times I cursed in church: 2
Embarassing nicknames for the bride that were accidentally spilled: 1
Items purchased at grocery store after dinner: 4
…that weren’t going to be used in “accessorizing” The Captain’s car the next day: 0
Bars we visited in The Fan: 1
Unknown shots I took: 1
Bizarre odors smelled on the way to the bar: approximately 4
Items thrown at Deep Cover when he was falling asleep sitting up on the couch in House’s hotel room: 4
…excluding an empty case of beer: 3
Hours of sleep I got: less than 5

On Saturday we needed to be at the church at noon for the 1pm ceremony. We got all tuxed up and hit the road headed for the reception hall. The Captain dropped his car off and got in my car and we rode over to the church with Deep Cover in tow. We arrived and scurried into the parlor quickly as the bride was pulling into the parking lot just behind us. We hung out as groomsmen arrived and friends poked their heads in to hang out and wish well. We had a few.. beverages.. in an effort to relax the nervous and took some pictures. The ceremony was long and thankfully we in the bride and groom parties were made to sit for most of it. I do, I do. Captain and Wife.

After pictures with the parties it was off to the reception. We did the intros and ate, witnessed the first dances, and the cake cutting before running out to accessorize the car. Shortly after we finished that (short reception) we had to get ready for the getaway, so I was given the keys to the car and pulled it into the circle in front of the hall so Captain and Wife could just get in and drive off. As I was getting out of the car they emerged and walked down the walkway and got in and drove off into the distance – probably stopping a few yards down the road to cut the cans off the back of the car. The lot of us got ourselves together to go back out into The Fan.


Wrong exits taken on the way to the first reception hall stop: 1
…by me: 0
Times the priest suggested that he’d give a beer to The Captain if he had one: 1
Total beers consumed in church before the ceremony: 6
Times I reminded The Captain that I could catch him if he ran: 2
Times I unbuttoned and rebuttoned my jacket before the cermony in nervous fidget: more than 20
Mispellings of the word “Jesus” on the wedding bulletin: 1
Glasses of vodka I sweet talked the bartender at the reception into giving me for $10: 1
Bottles of orange juice included in the deal: 1
Really strong screwdrivers I made: 2
Songs I danced to: 1
Bars we hit in The Fan: 2
Groomsmen I probably pissed off: 1
Single girls with us that I spent a lot of time talking to: 1
New numbers in my phone: 1
Chances that the last three items are related 100%
Jello shooters I acquired: 4
…for me: 2
Consecutive hours spent drinking: more than 8
…causing me to be in bed by: 1

Sunday a whole lot of us slept in, checked out, and went to the day-after picnic (where I took the picture of the crashed car with my cell phone). We didn’t stay long, waiting long enough for Captain and Wife to show up before saying our goodbyes and heading home.

Congratulations Captain and Wife. We’re more than happy for you.

Leave a Reply