Breedal Profiling

disclaimer: tongue firmly planted in cheek, but I’m sure you can figure that out for yourselves.

I ask you, readers, is this the face of evil?

For those unfamiliar, that’s TSD – The Sports Dog. He’s a 2-year-old black labrador retriever with a licking habit and tons of energy. He’s nothing if not enthusiastic and his tail wags constantly, despite being broken once in a sliding glass door. He wouldn’t harm a fly (save a few what we call Two-Pawed Thrusts that often find the crotchial region of male visitors) yet when I’m walking him down the street, people walking the opposite direction will walk in the street to keep their distance. They don’t do that when I walk Chick Magnet, seen here with TSD…

Sure, she’s unassuming enough, but people walking down the street don’t stay away from her, some will even stop to pet her. So, why is this? In order to get to the bottom of this, I asked TSD…

I-66: TSD, do you notice it when people walk off of the sidewalk when we’re walking down the street?
TSD: Fuck yeah I do… can I say fuck?
I-66: Of course, don’t hold back.
TSD: Fuck yeah I do. I don’t understand! I wag my tail, pant, look happy. I just want to play!
I-66: And these people just don’t understand you, do they?
TSD: Yeah. It’s like they’re discriminating against me because of the color of my fur.
I-66: How do you figure?
TSD: What’s the difference between me and Chick Magnet? We’re roughly the same size. We love people. We’re cute. They just like her because she’s yellow. Do they stay away she walks you?
I-66: You mean when I walk her.
TSD: Whatever. Go with that.
I-66: No, they don’t.
TSD: See? I don’t get it. It’s not like I wear my jeans baggy or my hat off to the side. They must be threatened. It’s breed-al profiling.
I-66: Good word.
TSD: It’s not really a word, I-66. I made it up. God, humans. [runs away to look for a tennis ball]

You see? Breedal profiling. Tragic.

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